Oh, Haven.
Five little letters. One big event.
But these five letters are five letters that don’t include me. Not this time. Oh, I thought about it. I dreamed of it. I had crazy friends entering giveaways for me… crazy friends…
I even tried to grow a money plant… but it just wasn’t in the cards for me.
So while you all are off learning how to build stuff with Ana, or chatting up John and Sherry or having a laugh with Beckie, and schmoozing all the while, I’ll be scooping up cat poop and waiting endlessly for the dog to find the perfect spot to mark his territory.
I’ll be packing lunches for Brendan to go to Scout Day Camp and rousing Morgan for another 8:00 swim practice and covering my ears while both whine and groan about having to get up at the shocking hour of 7AM.
Un-godly. Yes. I know.
And I feel this looming fear. All the while I’m preaching about being BOLD. Why? Why do I feel this empty pit in my stomach knowing that you are all picking our your best fitting clothes and getting your roots touched up and your eyebrows plucked, and maybe even having a few extra business cards printed…
Is it that you’ll make that one connection that will change the course of your life and catapult you into Bloggy Stardom? Or is it that you just get a chance to get out of the house and hob-knob with the Big Girls and Boys?
Maybe it’s that you’ll get to learn new things that could really make a difference and spark some new passion that you never knew you had.
No. If that happens, I’ll be so happy for you! Thrilled, even…
Perhaps, it’s the simple pleasure of putting a face with a name. Not the flat, two-dimensional picture that we all have over there on the right side of our digital spaces, but the real-life-flesh-and-blood-hair-falling-over-your-right-eye face.
Or hearing the voice that goes with that face in real time….and the laugh that comes along with it. Is it a short, soft chuckle of a laugh, or a giant, from the belly gufaw? And can any of you do a chimp imitation like me? I could teach you… if I were going.
And you will all get to see one another, and hear one another, and hold hands and sing kum-ba-ya together if you want. And those moments are un-sharable. You can’t bottle that and mail it to me in a brown paper package. You can’t capture it and put it on your blog and fill me with the same pleasure of knowing that feeling of a true connection in the present moment.
And since we’re being all real and alive and raw… let’s be honest.
You are fixing to be a part of something that can’t be explained. Something inexplicable. Something like unto a secret club and you’ll know that handshake and the secret knock and the theme song…and maybe even get that T-shirt that says, “Yo. I was here…”
And I’ll be up here in Virginia just waiting it out while you are hob-knobbing and gufawing and picture-taking and elbow-rubbing…
And while you are creating new memories and forging new friendships, this is the view that I’ll have….
Or maybe, I’ll sit over here…
And I might go down and watch a movie or two in our theatre…
Torture, I know. But I’ll try and make the best of it.
So have fun. Really. I mean it. This is me absolutely NOT being sarcastic.
REALLY. I’m so happy for you.
But watch out…cuz next Haven, I’ll have my elbows out ready for rubbing, and my hobs out ready for knobbing, and my teeth cleaned and my brows waxed and my shining-est smile plastered on my face ready to make memories and share tear-wiping laughs with you for all it’s worth…
But do me a favor, would you?
While you are there, (among the “famous” ones), should you feel insecure or nervous or unsure of yourself, take a moment and let the image of a bright orange daisy fill your mind, and hear me whisper in your ear and say…
YO. Today IS the day.
Get your butt up there and
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i wish you were coming, gwen. karianne and i were discussing such just the other day, but i felt really bad for her. because i was able to say, well trust me gwen is just as awesome and funny in person and i love her so much more!
Ha! I freaked out b/c I didn’t realized I had posted this yet! Ha!
Proudly go and tell all of Haven that… hahahaha… I’ll miss you! But have so much fun!!!
I’m SO with you girl….wish I was there too…
Oh, yes! I’m not alone…sigh.
I sooo know what you are feeling!! Somehow I hear about all these great bloggers that I feel I have relationships with. They are meeting other bloggers I feel I have relationships in real life and I go…oh no…now they will be REAL LIFE friends!! Ack!! What does that mean for me?? Sigh. Let’s have a pity party, or a G+ hangout. or something.
Oh yes. I’m emailing you secretly now.
Loved this post. I’ll be doing the same, missing out on the adventures that could have been in Haven. I am sure, though you won’t be going, your bold presence will be represented.
How sweet you are, Amy! I am sad to be missing it, but it just can’t be helped. As I am sure you know!
Very nice post! I’m not able to go either.
We’ll be left out together.
I have to say, I do love your BOLD motto !!!
Oh, thank you, Sherry! Yup, we’ll be bound together b/c of our unable-to-go-ness… I’m hate it, but I ‘m glad I’m not alone!
Maybe G+ is the next best thing to being there.
~Bliss~
I reckon it is… What else is a girl to do?
I’ll buy the popcorn! And what movie are we watching?
Holla, holla! Come on down! I’ll even let you pick the movie…
I chickened out when I had the chance…before this whole move came up…even after my husband said ‘go’. Little did I know there was someone out there shouting at me to BE BOLD! But next year is a different story and we’ll have our own G+ conference this year
Yup. Don’t ignore that voice… Next year they’d better watch out!
My feelings exactly Gwen. We’ll have to have our own left at home party. Maybe next year???? I’m going to share your post on my fb if you don’t mind.
Totally! And of course I don’t mind your sharing! That is so sweet of you… I’m humbled!
I am in the same boat as you are Gwen. Next year maybe, next year
This boat is turnin’ out to be quite a full one! And here I thought I was just about the only one rowing along!
Next year, baby….
I wish I was going too! But there is always next year to BE BOLD! Instead I will be driving summer camp carpool and doing laundry and maybe even getting around to scrubbing my gross kitchen floor that has been neglected for way too long.
Ah yes. Livin’ the dream!
At least there will be a bunch of us in the same boat!
Oh yes! Next year!!! I need to scrub my gross kitchen floor, and the bathrooms, and the laundry room… YUCK.
Yes, this boat is literally starting to brim over! I had no idea!
I am so clueless I didn’t even know gatherings for bloggers existed. I gotta get my head outta my laptop someday!
Oh, yes! They do. And Haven isn’t the only one! Wake up, girl, and quit working so hard! Or not, since that’s why you are so awesome…
I wish you were going! And anyway we can grab the other DC area peeps and have a little regional get together some time soon. So much cooler and secret
I’m going to learn what I can about growing your blog and DIYing your blog and then we gotta talk about my redesign cuz I am wishing I had already done it BEFORE Haven!
Me, too, Sarah! I’m sad, but I want yall to have fun! Blog growing is a never ending process, isn’t it?
Anytime you are ready… holla at me!
Gwen, I wish you were coming!
Loved this post, I will be bold, just for you! Next year, you me, Suzy and whoever else isn’t coming, we will meet and hug and laugh together!
Oh, me, too, Ange! We will have a GIANT hug session! I will be with you all in spirit and if you feel a tap on your shoulder, turn around, and no one is there… hehehe..
Have fun, girl and BE BOLD!
This is so beautifully written. You grabbed my attention and took me along with you as you explained your disappointment. “Hobs out ready for knobbing” and other turns of phrase? Fabulous!
-Karen
Oh, Karen! Thank you so, so much…
Don’t worry, we can both be ‘Billy-no-mates’. We’re in the death throws of the school year here so I won’t be going anywhere either C:
Ha! Yup, we can be ‘Billy-no-mates’ together!
I’m sorry you are still in school…that stinks! We’ve been out for two weeks. Aaahhhh….
That pool and movie theater are looking pretty inviting to me… maybe I’ll just come to your place?
Come on over, girl! It’s quiet here!
please, oh, please can i join the “no-go” club? or come to the super-secret not-haven shin-dig?? or bring the junior mints for a movie in that AWESOME theater???
i need a break!!
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Come on down… or up… and we’ll chill. And if you’d stop for five minutes from your crazy life, I’d tots hang with you… Throw the kids out in the yard and lock the door, girl!
Oh – I so know how you feel Gwen! I feel outside of ‘the circle’ too, like the uncool girl shuffling by the ‘cool girl’ group in high school, like the little kid stuck behing a line of grownups trying to see the parade going by down the street……stuck here in VA to melt and wish that it was just a little more humid here…NOT!!! We will get to the point to hob knob and hang out at conferences Gwen…I am sure you will get there before little ol’ me…but we gotta keep dreaming right? Heather
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Absolutely, Heather! We will keep dreaming and one day, we will find a way to make it there!