Here’s a quick look at this episode:
- Why are some people able to commit to changing?
- Why do we sabotage ourselves along the way?
- How do we create real and lasting positive change?
Well hello there! Welcome back to the redefining Bold podcast. You're listening to episode number 19 and I'm your host Gwen Whitfield from theboldabode.com, where I guide warm-hearted women in their quest for a more organized, cleaner home and a more productive and vibrant life.
Do you have something that you would like to change? But you can't seem to quite do it. You know you need to do something different, maybe you know you need to exercise, or change your nutrition, or find a different job, or break free from a toxic relationship – but you just can't quite make that change.
Why is it that some of us seem to be able to be incredibly proactive and others of us seem to stagnate like a moldy piece of cheese.
So I've been watching the TLC show on Hulu called my 600 pound life. Have you seen that? It's quite eye-opening to watch. Even though I'm not 600 pounds by any means, I can totally relate to the struggles of the people on the show.
And there are some common themes that run throughout each and every episode, no matter if it's male or female, if they're 600 pounds or 800 pounds, there are some very similar experiences and traits that have led each of these people down the path that they have lived.
And it's interesting to watch as some of them struggle desperately to do what Dr. now tells them to do, and some of them from the get-go are able to forge ahead and follow his orders to a T.
Now every single person in every single episode truly does want to make a change on the surface. Most of the people have to even make the move from their current location to live in Houston Texas so that they can be treated in person throughout the process. That's a huge commitment right there.
And as the show progresses, each person deals with some very similar issues.
The main one being some sort of incredible trauma from childhood or adolescence. And in order to deal with the trauma, they have turned to food as comfort. And throughout their lives have been unable to create a ceiling for this numbing mechanism and I've ended up incredibly overweight. I've been fortunate to be able to have that ceiling, and not end up at 600 pounds, but I definitely can identify with using food as a coping mechanism.
The reality of that, which also can be seen throughout the show, is that using anything, any kind of substance, whether it be food or drugs or alcohol or other risky behaviors, to cope is very unhealthy. When we use those things, we are numbing our feelings and emotions, we are ignoring them, we are pushing them down deeper, and it creates this unhealthy pattern that leads us down a very treacherous path.
It's really eye-opening, when Dr. Now sends a patient who is struggling to therapy. When they are able to talk about their trauma with a professional, and learn how to express their feelings and their emotions and their anger and their frustration and their hurt, and learn from the therapist other ways to address those deep-seated hurts, almost always do they begin down a path toward success.
As an Enneagram nine, one of our biggest faults is falling asleep to our emotions particularly or anger. We are so busy wanting to keep the peace and tranquility in our lives, that we ignore our true feelings and squash them down inside.
I've noticed that as I have become more aware of this, I'm beginning to express myself much more particularly in my marriage. And it is really started to take a load off of me from day today. And I don't find that same urge to comfort myself with food.
Dealing with our challenges in life head-on, communicating with those that we love in those that we work with, and acknowledging our own feelings, even if it's in a journal, is a much healthier way to deal with stress.
So, let's take a minute and go back to the beginning of this episode and talk about what really creates change. Why are some of these people in these episodes, able to make real and lasting change while others are not.
There's a quote that I love about change, that I have known to be true, and it says this:
Real change happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the pain of changing.
So as I look back over my life, I can see times when I have made changes, and I can see this is absolutely, 100% true. When we made the decision to sell our house and get out of debt, the financial stress had gotten so great that it was more painful than the thought of selling the home that we've been in for 10 years. And that propelled us towards making that change. And it's been an awesome change for us.
And so when change doesn't happen, it's very clear that the comfort of staying the same outweighs than the pain of change.
So just keeping weight loss is the example, so you start out gung ho on your new program, and you stay committed for an entire week, and you're feeling good but the weekend comes and you're invited to a party. And you're looking at all of the yummy food and thinking to yourself I can't do it anymore.
One night won't hurt me, which is probably honestly true right? But then the next day comes and you're like OK that's too hard I just want to eat what I want to eat and not worry about it.
And so in reality the pain of changing is greater than the pain of staying the same and you're not going to make real and lasting change. It's only when we truly understand that staying the same is ultimately the most painful thing that we could do, will we truly make that change.
And so for me, during the coronavirus shut down, I was not dealing with my emotions well at all, and totally used my diet for comfort. I made homemade bread, and lots of pasta carbonara, and baked cookies. And I'm sure a lot of you listening did the same thing. It was an incredibly stressful time, and it's still Liz, but I woke up one day and realized that if I kept going down this road it was going to be serious. And something clicked in my head, and made me realize that my health is more important and that staying the same, doing the same things for much longer, I was going to end up in a very difficult and harmful place.
I mean, it got to where just bending over to put my shoes on was starting to feel uncomfortable. And that was a place that I absolutely did not want to be. And so I began to change. Staying focused on the importance of my health, and being able to deal with my emotions in a productive way, has really helped me stay on track and make this lasting change. I've been exercising about five days a week inside with videos from YouTube. And it's gotten to the point where I wasn't getting my heart rate up enough, and I wasn't hardly breaking a sweat, and I realized I needed to get outside and push myself a little bit harder. And so today I went to the walking track at the library, I did the first day of the couch to 5K program. I've done couch to 5K a couple of times, and I truly do enjoy it particularly because it eases you into jogging longer and longer periods of time. Now I am not a runner, I've never been a runner, in fact I I said on many occasions that I absolutely hate running. But in truth actually kind of enjoy it. I just haven't given myself the opportunity to practice it enough and become good at it. But today was the first time I have tried to start the program having already been exercising. And it was actually pretty amazing. It wasn't easy by any means, I was able to go the entire 30 minutes, jog when it said to jog, walk when it said to walk, and complete the entire 30 minutes without feeling like I had over exerted myself.
I got my heart rate up and I broke a sweat. And when I was done, and checked my stats, I had gone farther than I'd ever gone on this first day, and I'll Pace faster than I have ever gone. By like a lot.
And that was exciting, and encouraging, and prove to me that the groundwork that I have been laying over the past six months or so has been fruitful and productive.
When you were in the middle of trying to make a change, it's important to find ways to be encouraged. In episode three, I talked about chasing the feeling. Chasing the feeling of feeling healthier, of being more active, of seeing your way decrease, of having more flexibility and stamina.
And focusing on how it will feel when all of that comes together. But the most exciting part of change, is when you actually experience that. Today I experience that feeling of being healthier, of being more active, of having more stamina, and that has created a sense of accomplishment in me. A sense of real accomplishment like I've actually accomplish something that I set out to do.
I'm certainly not finished because I have the whole six weeks left to go, and it's going to challenge me for sure. But this is what I know, focusing on this awesome feeling, and it acknowledging my progress, and actually encouraging myself and telling myself that I'm proud of me, is creating this
of joy in proving to myself that all of the effort that I have put forth thus far is paying off. And when I focus on that, it only makes me more determined to keep going and reach more of my goals.
How are focusing on being out of breath, and feeling like I wasn't 100% awesome, worrying about whether my knees were going to hurt, or my feet were going to hurt, or focusing on not being able to eat sugar or carbs, then that would totally sabotage me.
Isn't it time to stop sabotaging ourselves? Isn't it time for us to be true to ourselves, to treat ourselves with respect and kindness and follow through with what we say we really want to do, isn't it time
to realize our value, and to allow ourselves to be truly the best that we can be.
It's not about being perfect, we can never be perfect, it's about putting forth the effort day after day after day.
Most often, in the series my 600 pound life, those who are successful tend to be 2 to 300 pounds lighter after 12 months.
Think about it. Where could you be in one year?
So, focus on where you want to be, and how that would really feel in your body, in your mind, in your heart and your soul. How would it feel to be at the end of your "journey". Because wherever you are right now, whatever change you need to make, if you are truly ready for it, and focus on where you want to be instead of the pain of the day today, you will reach your goals.
Let's do it. I want to know what you're going to commit to today. What in your life is causing so much pain, that changing would be a relief for you. I want you to email me at [email protected] And let me know, I want to be in this with you. I want to encourage you. I want to help keep each other accountable.
I look forward to hearing from you and I'll see you in the next episode!
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