Here’s a quick look at this episode, The Slow Walk toward a Better Life:
- We’re talking about the “negativity bias”, what it is and how to begin to level the playing field.
- What you really deserve in your life, and how to move towards it.
- How small steps can lead to big changes over time.
There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater. ~Valerie Roth, Allegiant
Hi there! You’re listening to episode #1 of the Redefining Bold Podcast. I’m your host Gwen Whitfield from theboldabode.com, where I guide warm-hearted women in their quest for a more organized, cleaner home and a more productive and vibrant life.
Today we’re going to talk about taking the slow walk toward a better life.
What do you really want out of life? What do we all want?
If you strip away any ambition for success or money or prestige, humanity is really only searching for one thing. And that one thing is peace.
We want to be happy. We want to be love and be loved. We want meaning.
But I think we’d trade all of that if we could just be at peace. And we think that having and doing and being will bring that peace.
All of the striving and goal setting and dreaming is there only because we want to feel worthy, important.
And all of the addiction and pleasure seeking and self-sabatoge is there because we long for a life that we feel unworthy of and believe that we just can’t have. We turn to things that will numb the pain. It’s human.
We’re wired for negativity. In his course, Positive Neuroplasticity, Rick Hason says this about what he calls The Negativity Bias,
“ To keep our ancestors alive in harsh conditions, the brain evolved to look for bad news, overreact to it, and fast-track negative experiences into emotional memory. In effect, your brain is like Velcro for the negative but Teflon for the positive. By tilting toward the positive and helping it stick to your brain, you level the playing field”
Wow. Many things in this training blew my mind, but nothing so much as learning that we are genetically wired to look for bad stuff. But it makes perfect sense, doesn’t it?
No wonder we sit around and think about all the things that could go wrong in life. That could go wrong with anything we seek to do. No wonder we sit and doubt ourselves and every decision. Even if you’re convinced you’re doing the right thing, there is always that niggling of doubt, isn’t there?
The Negativity Bias.
Like, this morning, I kept hearing this voice in my head that I wasn’t qualified to be doing any sort of podcast. Where the heck is that coming from?
But the training I’ve been through has taught me that that voice, though it may be trying to protect me from disappointment or harm, is often a big fat ugly liar.
If someone was lying to your face and saying you were all the things that you KNOW that you’re not, what would you do?
Get angry? Turn and walk away? Shout at them that they are a big, mean bully?
Yes! That’s exactly what you should do. To that lying SOB inside your head.
Even for the small stuff… like:
Who are you to think that you can get organized?
Who are you to think that you can decorate your home by yourself?
Who are you to think that you can keep your home clean?
or the big stuff… like:
Who are you to think that you can start a business on your own?
Who are you to think that you can go back to school at your age?
Who are you to think that anyone would want listen to you?
Stop and listen to what that voice is telling you right now. What is it saying? Think about what you want to work on and let it go to town. Just notice it.
Are you hearing anything negative?
If so, really listen to what that negativity is saying. If it is trying to keep you from bodily harm or doing something to self-sabatoge, then listen to it.
However, If it’s trying to keep you from stepping out and doing something to create a better version of yourself, then it’s lying to you.
Because the truth of the matter, is that you are worthy. That you do deserve to have a clean home. That you do deserve to be organized. That you do deserve to love and be loved. That you do deserve to have peace. That you are worthy of living a full, beautiful and vibrant life.
Evaluating that tape in your head takes practice. But it’s the first step toward recognizing it for what it is. Yes, it is there to keep you safe. It is there to protect you from harm.
But when it gets in the way of what you want to do and who you want to be, it is creating unnecessary inner turmoil.
So just like a lying, faithless friend, turn away from it the moment you notice what it’s trying to do.
Take that first step today, no matter how small. Because any step towards a better life, even the tiniest of tiny, is fundamentally brave.
And so I leave you with these words from Valerie Roth’s book, Allegiant:
“There are so many ways to be brave in this world. Sometimes bravery involves laying down your life for something bigger than yourself, or for someone else. Sometimes it involves giving up everything you have ever known, or everyone you have ever loved, for the sake of something greater.
But sometimes it doesn't.
Sometimes it is nothing more than gritting your teeth through pain, and the work of every day, the slow walk toward a better life.
That is the sort of bravery I must have now.”
May we all have that sort of bravery.
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