Take That, Christmas Tree…

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She squared off in her corner and eyed her gargantuan opponent from across the ring. They sized each other up, down, left, right, inside and out. Oh, perhaps, the other fighter was stockier, huskier, taller and, overall, a prickly sort of opponent.

She, however, she was quicker and faster on her feet, crafty and cunning.  The kind of intelligent fighter that observes first and pummels later.

The bell rang, and round and round they went.  First a left hook, then a right. An uppercut, and then a jab to the kidneys.  But, she knew how important her determination would be.  She would best this Lurch-girl and overcome.  Even if she had to take her outside in the parkin’ lot and make her see white lights.
And that’s just what she did.  She drug her out on the front porch and put her in her rightful place.  The Tree, that is.  That beautiful, live, Christmas Pine that thought she could just assault me and get away with it.

Ha, ha.  The jokes on her.

So, what?  So I had to put her outside cuz she was wreckin’ havoc on my sinuses.


No really…WAAAA

I knew I had allergies, but good lawdie, great Maudie!  The snifflin’ I can tolerate, but the Nose Faucet starts to annoy me.  Howevah, Eyes startin’ ta swell…that’s when the fight gets moved outside.  I cain’t go around lookin’ like I been stung by fiddy bees in my ocular devices…  Not to mention the 24 hour up-all-night session I’ve been workin’.

So, I duuno what I’ma do with all those purdy decorations I bought. Take ‘em back?  Save ’em?  Make my sweet man go buy me a fakey tree to decorate?

Blurg and Bah-humbug.

What would you do?

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  1. The nose faucet gets me every time…if it was that bad, I'd go for a fake tree and decorate the heck out of it! Then show us 🙂

  2. you mean, what DID we do after my husband's eyes were glued shut the morning after putting the lights on the tree? just between us, we went fake. not proud, not happy, but not puffy, itchy and snoogie any more.

    bummer. big one.

  3. (chant) Fake, fake, fake, fake! Then you can use your decorations. 😉

  4. You're very funny! Fake it is and just think it's sooo much better for the environment letting the trees grow and do their thing for the air we breath. It's win win and this way you can smuggly begin the New Year feeling oh so well and healthy and knowing that your carbon footprint on the planet is considerably smaller!

  5. I had to do that myself, only I dug a hole and set the trunk in it and covered it. It stood there in a stately manner with lights on it with the other yard decor. That tree lasted til the end of March before it started loosing needles.It was asorbing water through the trunk of all things. Anywho I promptly went to the store and bought an artificial tree and dressed her up in all the glorious finery I had to make her the best Christmas tree I had ever had. Good luck with yours. And hope your allergies clear up as quickly as mine did after removing the offensive opponent.

  6. awww, you poor thing. this post certainly made me laugh and feel better about my tree situation. go for a big beautiful fake one. i would advise though to not get the prelit ones – when the lights finally pack it in they are a bugger to get off and replace.

  7. Same sniffling snotty story here…full blown misery by Christmas. No fun! The fake tree breaks me out in a rash wherever I touch it, but at least once the decorating is done, it's a livable situation. Sadly, you're gonna have to go faux.

  8. OM Gosh! I swear I thougth that I was alone in this tree allergy misery.. every year my hubby and I drag out the boxing gloves.. and of course when it's over the FAKE tree so that I can survive the Christmas season without the boogers and headaches and of course the misery of living with a tree in my sweet little house!
    Glad to hear you bested the beast!
    Here's cheers to fake trees!

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