Project Surface Area: Day 4, Scallops

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What you missed Days 1-3?  Really? Well, do go and catch up!

Day 1

Here we go on Day 4…It’s all about the Scallops.

Yummy, yummy…in my tum, tum, tummy…

Let’s hope these scallops prove to be just the thang this whipped together piece of, ummm…. work needs.

Now, first, I must disclaim.

You should have the proper safety attire and tools to complete this {or any other kind of woodworking..} project.  I, unfortunately, am not so fortunate.

Sitting on the end of the board on a wobbly plastic table DOES NOT constitute proper clamping down of the wood for cutting. A jigsaw works well, but some sort of band saw type tool is probably better…or maybe a Dremel.
I dream of a Dremel.  I dream that we’re dancing a tango and I’m in a slinky red dress…with a long stem rose in my mouth…
except I prefer Gerbera daisies…no thorns..and they’re brighter and more fun…
But you probably knew that about already, right?

Anyway, Chester, the Home Depot guy,  talked me out of plywood for the scallops.  I was trying to go cheap, cheap, but he made a good point about using the same materials in order to maintain a consistent finish.

But then again, I’ma paint this sucker.  So does it really matter? Does it?

Anyway, he cut these boards to size and off I went.

1.  Make a scalloped Template.  Download one for baskets and crop and resize it to be perfect…or good enough anyway.


2.  Start tracing in the middle of your board so you end up with an even number of scallops. It helps to remember this before you start cutting…

Scallop Pattern2

3.  Figure out how to make smooth cuts and try three different ways before you get in the groove…yeah, baby…

Cutting Scallops

4. Cut up the center to each point first.

Cutting Scallops1

5.  Then slide your jigsaw around and ease it in the curve to finish it out.

Cutting Scallops 2

6. Voila.  Pretty scallop.  No Blood.  Very good.

Cutting Scallops3

7. Repeat thirty-eleven times until you have the entire length of board cut out.

Scallops and Desk

8. Then sand….

Sanding Scallops 3

and Sand…

Sanding Scallops

and Sand some mo’

Sanding Scallops2

9. Go take a shower and hack up all of that saw dust you inhaled cuz yur dust mask kept falling off your face…that or you kept pulling it down cuz yur goggles kept getting fogged up and you couldn’t see to cut and you really wanted to keep all of your fingers so you could finish this project…

10.  Then finally get to watch 30 Rock and laugh your butt off cuz Tina Fey is hilarious and you love her…

But not in the creepy, sneak into her house and steal her toothbrush kinda way…

Fur reals.

I don’t even know where she lives…

On to Day 5

Today just might be the day. 
But, you’ll never know if you don’t get out there and

Thank you for reading my blog.

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  1. Ah another piece of the puzzle and another step closer to completion. Are you trying to finish this by the end of the weekend? You be jammin'

  2. i just might have tina fey's address and could maybe share it for a new porch swing.
    the scalloping looks awesome. i hope your lungs are clear now!

  3. You crack me up! Those scallops look absolutely amazing by the way, and it's totally going to look AWESOME! I'm following you through Linky too 🙂

  4. *is glad to have found someone as nutty as myself* I love it! Though I don't think I can be trusted around power tools being highly accident prone & all – I'm super glad you didn't injure yourself! I'm following via Linky & I'd love it if you came to visit me too 😉

    ♥ Sam

  5. My husband and I had a good laugh over your dremel-man. You are just as weird as me.

  6. Keep your paws off my dremel boyfriend! (and I love Tina Fey too! Scallops lookin' good!!!

  7. It’s awesome to go to see this web page and reading the
    views of all friends about this article, while I am also eager of getting experience.

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