Remember the Smashing Stranger?
She baaaaaaack…
So, when we last left our lovely couple, The Smashing Stranger and the Lonely Table, the table was no longer lonely, but it was still awaiting her minor face-lift…
So, without further ado… Heeeeeeeere we go…
From this:
To…
Drum-roll pleeeeeeeeeeeze…
Allllll Right, so maybe we don’t actually need a drum roll, cuz you might not be that impressed with my seeeerious lack of fine motor skills..
What’s that, you say? You can’t tell how awesome it is see what it looks like? Not at all???
Well, maybe we should just stop here anyway…
Ok. Ok. I’ve gone this far… might as well bare my entire weary soul…
So, how did I get from point A to point B?
I was hopin’ you’d ask…
Step 1. Have no idea how to do this, but find a great tip on da net about how newspaper print it JUST like GRAPHIC paper… hahaha…
Step 2. Use some leftovah green butcher paper that you had from a “school project” (that nobody even remotely enjoyed) and cut out a big circle the size o’ yo’ table…
Step 3. Make SURE all yur animals know they are invited to help…
(Yo, cat…not now! Seriously.. NOT A GOOD TIME TO BE MESSIN’ WIT YO MOMMA…)
Whew! O.K. Where were we?
Step 4. Now that WILD KINGDOM is over, you can cut that circle out…
Step 5. Fold that circle into a cone shape…you know, in half, and then in half again…yur smart, you get it, right?
Then do the same thing with yur template… That way you both the little template and the big green circle are grided out and you can free-hand draw the ENTIRE design onto the back of the Big Green Circle…
Yeah, right…
Step 6. Realize yur gonna need to smooth out those stinkin’ circles you folded out on the graph and go an’ make yurself a compass outta some leftover piece of wood in the garage…Drill some holes in it and use it to draw even circles on yo’ big circle…
Step 7. Draw out that graphic on the Big Circle and realize half way through you DO NOT want all of those little details ‘cuz you’ll be spending yur lovely twilight years workin’ on this dern table…Not to mention you already have enough gray hairs on that head ‘a yurs.
Step 8. Tape newspaper all up unda dat circle and trace with a HEAVY hand…unfortunately, you learn that after the fact…
Oh and be sure NOT have any tape at first and use a glue stick to hold it down.
Step 9 million. Fill in the design…make it up if you can’t see the dern “tracing”…
Oh, I just used one of those new Crayola White Board Crayons…
They’re good fur tracing on Furniture…or walls..
(but that’s fur later… so DON’T, I repeat, DO NOT, look at that wall behind the table… just pretend you never saw it…)
Step 9 million and 1. Now is the time to attach yur Robotic Arm so you can get nice smooth, even strokes.
Mine was in the shop for over use so I had to rely on my own stinkin’ ‘natural’ arm, which is why it looks sooooo “hand-painted” and “artistic”…
Step 9 million and 2. Step back and see if you can get away with not finishing out the design..
Step 9 million and 3. Decide that it would look stupider than Monkey’s Uncle in a 3 Piece Vintage Armani Smoking Jacket … and finish painting… and painting… and painting…
(Yo…Whasup with all the monkey illustrations? Don’t really know…)
But take a little break first…
You might want to have some lemonade and some marshmallows..
Then GET BACK TO WORK, LAZYBONES and finish painting, distressing and waxing that table…
Step 9 million and, oh I lost count…
But that’s O.K. cuz yur FINALLY finished. Now you can sit back and have a cup of steaming hot coffee and a couple of luscious home-made brownies to go with it.
Won’t you join me at my new table? I’ve got an extra place set just fur you!
Cookie’s even keepin yur seat warm till you get here..
THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA END!
P.S. Yes, because you asked so nicely, I did recover those seats…
That’s the same fabric as the pillows the dog just ate…yup $45/yd…
The world was almost shy of one more Black Lab that night…
O.K. NOW I’m Done…
Did I totally wear you out?
am I the first comment on this hilarious post?? That can't be! LOVE, LOVE the table!! Also, very funny post. I wish I were better with words…to say it better…YOU are funny! And CREATIVE. I've got a table to work on too..it's covered in glue and glitter right now..so lovely..not. have a happy day. love ya!
OHMIGOSH! Girl, you are ambitious! I absolutely love the table and the tutorial.
Wow! That is an incredible amount of work. It turned out so cool and super unique. I am quite impressed. Great job Gwen!!!
This is hilarious! Again!!! I admire your persistence, I know FO'SHO that I would've got about 1/3 of the way in, lost interest, and 5 years later the smudged and battered half-effort would be hidden under a piece of oilcloth. No doubts about it.
ok…you are freakin' freakin' me out now. yep, i think this is the first green giant-sized compass i've seen in a blogiverse tutorial. in fact, isn't it against the blogiverse constitution to get all mathmatical and scientific-y and use words like "compass"?
and stop setting the creative bar so flippin' high or i might have to make up an award for you!
what the heck are you gonna do next? i think i'm scared. i know i am. imagine what you're doin' to the peeps who don't know about your wack-a-doodle sense of humor? oh, lawdy…can you imagine if this is some poor chick's first visit??? tee-heee-heeeeeee….laughin' my bootie-pitootie off…
and, YES, i love your table. even if you used a fancy tool to make it.
a.
You crack me up! And you table is stunning. I can't believe you did this by hand. AMAZING!
Hahaha! Yall are WAY too nice to me! But I LOVE you for it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!
Great tutorial and BeAuTiFuL table. Have to comment on the animals. I have a Seal Pointe Siamese (Mocha Latte) and a big black dopey (in a loving way) Lab (Phineas). They too ARE always in the middle of everything. Thanks for sharing!
LOVE IT!!! Sometimes I wonder why people ever even read my blog when they could be here reading yours!?
2 things…1. I have a table just like this one sitting in my kitchen, except it's oak laminate (time for a makeover super-similar to this one!) 2. I have been trying to get up the courage to do that EXACT thing on my wall (I know I wasn't supposed to look at the wall but it caught my eye!) I can't WAIT to see it.
You are awesome. As. Always. I heart you :o)
Cute!Cute!Cute! Great job x
Beautiful! Thanks for all of the detailed photos of this unique idea. I love your kitty posing in the last pictures, too.
This is awesome! I am really blown away by your talent!!
the table turned out beautiful, i love the design and the colors you used.
Oh I love the table, it looks fantastic…I can relate to the critters….. [ having 2 labradors and 3 British Shorthair cats who are very 'chummy and nosey' Your beautiful Siamese caught my eye.
Awesome!! Your table looks amazing- thanks sharing the technique on how you did it. Thanks for entering my giveaway- good luck!
p.s.- love your sense of humor!
Haha! I love it- all of it! Thanks for making me giggle and inspiring me. The table is spectacular. I gave you the Versatile Blogger Award over at Que Linda. Come check it out
https://quelinda-crafts.blogspot.com/2011/10/versatile-blogger-award.html
Hey Gwen! I know I already commented and I see that someone above you already gave you an award, but I gave you the Liebster Blog Award :o)
https://creativeoutletsofathriftymindedmomma.blogspot.com/2011/11/liebster-blog-love.html
Love ya!
Now that is a work of art! I love your chairs, too. That fabric is awesome!
Hey Gwen!
This table turned out amazing! Love it!!
Thank you for linking up to {nifty thrifty sunday} last week! I featured you at today's party! 🙂
xoxo,
Vanessa
Boy howdy, I didn't know what I was in for when you commented on my pitiful little, spray-painted, [email protected] project!! This is truly awe-inspiring and you're funny too? Count me as one of your new followers and faithful readers 🙂
gwen, are you kidding? that is so amazing and way better than "par"!!!!! ( i was going to say under par because in gold under par is better, but i was afraid it would be taken the wrong way!!!!) anyhow, it is AWESOME!!! i LOVE t!
That table is absolutely incredible. You are amazing. The post was hilarious to read. Thanks so much for partying with DIYbyDesign.
Seriously love it!! I like the hand-painted look! Love how you distressed it too so it looks worn!! It turned out great!
WOWWWW!!!! I thought what I just did to the top of my desk was hard, but THIS, BRAVO! Looks like that took some time to layout.
Desiree
http://www.CamelotArtCreations.blogspot.com
Golly geewhiz! That's a restyle…your post is informative and hilarious. I'm following 🙂
Gwen, I always look forward to your posts! Your table is amazing and looks like a TON of work…super unique too. PS – what would we do without our dogs making life interesting? It would be so boring!
I loved your comments & email. Apparently, you are just as bizarre as me. Or is it, "as I am". I'm a writer, I should know this…maybe it's too late…maybe I've played a little too much Bunco this evening…at any rate. You are weird just like me and I love it. Thanks for stopping by http://www.potholesandpantyhose.com.
I really love the look of your site. I love the table-especially with the cat hanging out next to it.
Beau teh ful!
Wow. Your hard work and 9 million steps really paid off. Lovely.
That is amazing… I seriously can't believe you did that! I love the look and now will be on the lookout for a table to re-do.
P.S. Come visit my blog for a chance to win 25 FREE Shutterfly Holiday Cards: https://acraftyescape.blogspot.com/2011/11/giveaway-shutterflys-2011-holiday-cards.html
gwen, on a table like that, I would gladly drink that diet pepsi and rock solid brownies. It is absolutely fabulous. I'm loving the hand made look of it and I think its come out bloody brilliant.
add some galvanized tin cups and some grass flowers and you are very easily LSD'd to a dreamland. This is visual drugs, dude. Not that Im into it. 😛
Brilliant! love the finished table and the fun post showing how you got there! Great compass you made – but I'm even more impressed at your drawing skills – the lines look so neat!
Jill @ Creating my way to Success
https://www.jembellish.blogspot.com/
Still trying to find the "annoying" part- but it's adorable as always! Love!!
Thank you SO much for sending me the link to this post! Hilarious and beautiful! But hey, I’m signed up for email updates and I didn’t get one of those awesome and BOLD printables! Am I too late?
This is my first comment ever on a blog. Here’s why, BECAUSE you rock! I have read so many blogs the last year or so when I first got into remodeling, repurposing, painting, refinishing and all that fun stuff. Your blog was so fun to read, entertaining actually 🙂 Love your style in decorating. Great attitude and not so instructional!
Love it! I also read a lot of your other blogs from the links.
Jessica
Oh,my gosh! Thank you so much, Jessica. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back with you! Summer has me so off schedule, but school starts back on Monday, so it’s full steam ahead.
Lots of love,
Gwen
I love your sense of humor, loved trading about this, might try it on our hand-me-down-times-4 table we were given, that I hate because it’s got gobs of school glue stuck and then varnished into the top!!!
Kari,
I hope it works for you!
Thanks for sharing,
Gwen