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The Return of the Stranger and her Table

by Gwen Oct 26

The Bold Abode is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

Read my full disclosure here.

Remember the Smashing Stranger?

She baaaaaaack…

So, when we last left our lovely couple, The Smashing Stranger and the Lonely Table, the table was no longer lonely, but it was still awaiting her minor face-lift…

So, without further ado…  Heeeeeeeere we go…

From this:

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To…

Drum-roll pleeeeeeeeeeeze…

Allllll Right, so maybe we don’t actually need a drum roll, cuz you might not be that impressed with my seeeerious lack of fine motor skills..

IMG_5808

What’s that, you say?  You can’t tell how awesome it is  see what it looks like?  Not at all???

Well, maybe we should just stop here anyway…

Ok. Ok.  I’ve gone this far…  might as well bare my entire weary soul…

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So, how did I get from point A to point B?

I was hopin’ you’d ask…

Step 1.  Have no idea how to do this, but find a great tip on da net about how newspaper print it JUST like GRAPHIC paper… hahaha…

Step 2.  Use some leftovah green butcher paper that you had from a “school project” (that nobody even remotely enjoyed) and cut out a big circle the size o’ yo’ table…

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Step 3.  Make SURE all yur animals know they are invited to help…

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(Yo, cat…not now! Seriously.. NOT A GOOD TIME TO BE MESSIN’ WIT YO MOMMA…)

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DROP IT, DOG!  DROP IT, I SAID..
GOOD PUPPY!

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NO, YOU STINKIN’ DOG…GET BACK HERE!

Whew!  O.K.  Where were we?

Step 4.  Now that WILD KINGDOM is over, you can cut that circle out…

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Step 5.  Fold that circle into a cone shape…you know, in half, and then in half again…yur smart, you get it, right?

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Then do the same thing with yur template… That way you both the little template and the big green circle are grided out and you can free-hand draw the ENTIRE design onto the back of the Big Green Circle…

Yeah, right…

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Step 6. Realize yur gonna need to smooth out those stinkin’ circles you folded out on the graph and go an’ make yurself a compass outta some leftover piece of wood in the garage…Drill some holes in it and use it to draw even circles on yo’ big circle…

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Well, aren’t you Miss Smartie Pants…
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TADA…
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Step 7.  Draw out that graphic on the Big Circle and realize half way through you DO NOT want all of those little details ‘cuz you’ll be spending yur lovely twilight years workin’ on this dern table…Not to mention you already have enough gray hairs on that head ‘a yurs.

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Step 8.  Tape newspaper all up unda dat circle and trace with a HEAVY hand…unfortunately, you learn that after the fact…

Oh and be sure NOT have any tape at first and use a glue stick to hold it down.

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Step 9 million.  Fill in the design…make it up if you can’t see the dern “tracing”…

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Oh, I just used one of those new Crayola White Board Crayons…

They’re good fur tracing on Furniture…or walls..

(but that’s fur later… so DON’T, I repeat, DO NOT, look at that wall behind the table… just pretend you never saw it…)

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Step 9 million and 1.  Now is the time to attach yur Robotic Arm so you can get nice smooth, even strokes.

Mine was in the shop for over use so I had to rely on my own stinkin’ ‘natural’ arm, which is why it looks sooooo “hand-painted” and “artistic”…

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Step 9 million and 2.  Step back and see if you can get away with not finishing out the design..

Step 9 million and 3.  Decide that it would look stupider than Monkey’s Uncle in a 3 Piece Vintage Armani Smoking Jacket … and finish painting… and painting… and painting…

(Yo…Whasup with all the monkey illustrations? Don’t really know…)

But take a little break first…

You might want to have some lemonade and some marshmallows..

IMG_5788

M&Ms are always and added bonus…

Then GET BACK TO WORK, LAZYBONES and finish painting, distressing and waxing that table…

Step 9 million and, oh I lost count…

But that’s O.K. cuz yur FINALLY finished.  Now you can sit back and have a cup of steaming hot coffee and a couple of luscious home-made brownies to go with it.

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Won’t you join me at my new table? I’ve got an extra place set just fur you!

Cookie’s even keepin yur seat warm till you get here..

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Butcha better hurry cuz she’s lickin her chops!

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Well, that’s about it…
I know what your saying…

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THANK THE LAWD, CUZ I NEVER 
THOUGHT THIS WAS GONNA END!

Maybe I’ll end up in the Guiness Book of World Records some day…
BTW..that’s just some cold Diet Pepsi and some leftover
Frozen Gluten Free Brownies that taste like cardboard…
Just keepin’ it Real, folks…keepin’ it Real…

P.S. Yes, because you asked so nicely, I did recover those seats…

That’s the same fabric as the pillows the dog just ate…yup $45/yd…

The world was almost shy of one more Black Lab that night…

O.K.  NOW I’m Done…

Did I totally wear you out?

 

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The Bold Abode is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com as well as other affiliate networks.

What the BOLD ones say:

  1. Holly McCray says

    Oct 26 at 2:03 pm

    am I the first comment on this hilarious post?? That can't be! LOVE, LOVE the table!! Also, very funny post. I wish I were better with words…to say it better…YOU are funny! And CREATIVE. I've got a table to work on too..it's covered in glue and glitter right now..so lovely..not. have a happy day. love ya!

  2. Kelli @ The Turquoise Piano says

    Oct 26 at 7:31 pm

    OHMIGOSH! Girl, you are ambitious! I absolutely love the table and the tutorial.

  3. Courtney says

    Oct 26 at 10:41 pm

    Wow! That is an incredible amount of work. It turned out so cool and super unique. I am quite impressed. Great job Gwen!!!

  4. little macaroon. says

    Oct 27 at 12:14 am

    This is hilarious! Again!!! I admire your persistence, I know FO'SHO that I would've got about 1/3 of the way in, lost interest, and 5 years later the smudged and battered half-effort would be hidden under a piece of oilcloth. No doubts about it.

  5. Amy of The Salvage Collection says

    Oct 27 at 12:49 am

    ok…you are freakin' freakin' me out now. yep, i think this is the first green giant-sized compass i've seen in a blogiverse tutorial. in fact, isn't it against the blogiverse constitution to get all mathmatical and scientific-y and use words like "compass"?

    and stop setting the creative bar so flippin' high or i might have to make up an award for you!

    what the heck are you gonna do next? i think i'm scared. i know i am. imagine what you're doin' to the peeps who don't know about your wack-a-doodle sense of humor? oh, lawdy…can you imagine if this is some poor chick's first visit??? tee-heee-heeeeeee….laughin' my bootie-pitootie off…

    and, YES, i love your table. even if you used a fancy tool to make it.

    a.

  6. Sarah, Three Boys says

    Oct 27 at 1:39 am

    You crack me up! And you table is stunning. I can't believe you did this by hand. AMAZING!

  7. The Bold Abode says

    Oct 27 at 11:24 am

    Hahaha! Yall are WAY too nice to me! But I LOVE you for it! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!

  8. Kelli F. says

    Oct 27 at 3:39 pm

    Great tutorial and BeAuTiFuL table. Have to comment on the animals. I have a Seal Pointe Siamese (Mocha Latte) and a big black dopey (in a loving way) Lab (Phineas). They too ARE always in the middle of everything. Thanks for sharing!

  9. Katie says

    Oct 28 at 12:34 am

    LOVE IT!!! Sometimes I wonder why people ever even read my blog when they could be here reading yours!?

    2 things…1. I have a table just like this one sitting in my kitchen, except it's oak laminate (time for a makeover super-similar to this one!) 2. I have been trying to get up the courage to do that EXACT thing on my wall (I know I wasn't supposed to look at the wall but it caught my eye!) I can't WAIT to see it.

    You are awesome. As. Always. I heart you :o)

  10. Karen says

    Oct 28 at 9:45 am

    Cute!Cute!Cute! Great job x

  11. Rose says

    Oct 28 at 5:21 pm

    Beautiful! Thanks for all of the detailed photos of this unique idea. I love your kitty posing in the last pictures, too.

  12. Carrie @ Dittle Dattle says

    Oct 28 at 11:56 pm

    This is awesome! I am really blown away by your talent!!

  13. lauren @ West Furniture Revival says

    Oct 29 at 2:49 am

    the table turned out beautiful, i love the design and the colors you used.

  14. Brenda Watts says

    Oct 29 at 12:48 pm

    Oh I love the table, it looks fantastic…I can relate to the critters….. [ having 2 labradors and 3 British Shorthair cats who are very 'chummy and nosey' Your beautiful Siamese caught my eye.

  15. Rachelle @ Adventures in Creating says

    Oct 31 at 5:03 pm

    Awesome!! Your table looks amazing- thanks sharing the technique on how you did it. Thanks for entering my giveaway- good luck!
    p.s.- love your sense of humor!

  16. Janny says

    Nov 1 at 4:16 am

    Haha! I love it- all of it! Thanks for making me giggle and inspiring me. The table is spectacular. I gave you the Versatile Blogger Award over at Que Linda. Come check it out
    https://quelinda-crafts.blogspot.com/2011/10/versatile-blogger-award.html

  17. Katie says

    Nov 2 at 8:54 pm

    Hey Gwen! I know I already commented and I see that someone above you already gave you an award, but I gave you the Liebster Blog Award :o)

    https://creativeoutletsofathriftymindedmomma.blogspot.com/2011/11/liebster-blog-love.html

    Love ya!

  18. Kimberly @ The Brown Eyes Have It says

    Nov 3 at 4:22 am

    Now that is a work of art! I love your chairs, too. That fabric is awesome!

  19. {nifty thrifty things} says

    Nov 6 at 10:19 pm

    Hey Gwen!
    This table turned out amazing! Love it!!
    Thank you for linking up to {nifty thrifty sunday} last week! I featured you at today's party! 🙂
    xoxo,
    Vanessa

  20. Junky Vagabond says

    Nov 8 at 8:21 pm

    Boy howdy, I didn't know what I was in for when you commented on my pitiful little, spray-painted, [email protected] project!! This is truly awe-inspiring and you're funny too? Count me as one of your new followers and faithful readers 🙂

  21. Cassie @ Primitive & Proper says

    Nov 8 at 11:35 pm

    gwen, are you kidding? that is so amazing and way better than "par"!!!!! ( i was going to say under par because in gold under par is better, but i was afraid it would be taken the wrong way!!!!) anyhow, it is AWESOME!!! i LOVE t!

  22. Judy says

    Nov 9 at 2:00 am

    That table is absolutely incredible. You are amazing. The post was hilarious to read. Thanks so much for partying with DIYbyDesign.

  23. Katie says

    Nov 9 at 3:00 am

    Seriously love it!! I like the hand-painted look! Love how you distressed it too so it looks worn!! It turned out great!

  24. Desiree Guy says

    Nov 9 at 3:25 am

    WOWWWW!!!! I thought what I just did to the top of my desk was hard, but THIS, BRAVO! Looks like that took some time to layout.

    Desiree
    http://www.CamelotArtCreations.blogspot.com

  25. Vicky says

    Nov 9 at 6:06 pm

    Golly geewhiz! That's a restyle…your post is informative and hilarious. I'm following 🙂

  26. Suzy www.savedbysuzy.blogspot.com says

    Nov 10 at 3:46 pm

    Gwen, I always look forward to your posts! Your table is amazing and looks like a TON of work…super unique too. PS – what would we do without our dogs making life interesting? It would be so boring!

  27. Rebekah Greiman says

    Nov 11 at 5:04 am

    I loved your comments & email. Apparently, you are just as bizarre as me. Or is it, "as I am". I'm a writer, I should know this…maybe it's too late…maybe I've played a little too much Bunco this evening…at any rate. You are weird just like me and I love it. Thanks for stopping by http://www.potholesandpantyhose.com.
    I really love the look of your site. I love the table-especially with the cat hanging out next to it.

  28. Nicole says

    Nov 12 at 12:11 am

    Beau teh ful!

  29. Kara @ June & Bear says

    Nov 12 at 3:47 am

    Wow. Your hard work and 9 million steps really paid off. Lovely.

  30. Pati @ A Crafty Escape says

    Nov 14 at 3:37 am

    That is amazing… I seriously can't believe you did that! I love the look and now will be on the lookout for a table to re-do.

    P.S. Come visit my blog for a chance to win 25 FREE Shutterfly Holiday Cards: https://acraftyescape.blogspot.com/2011/11/giveaway-shutterflys-2011-holiday-cards.html

  31. trumatter says

    Nov 15 at 6:21 pm

    gwen, on a table like that, I would gladly drink that diet pepsi and rock solid brownies. It is absolutely fabulous. I'm loving the hand made look of it and I think its come out bloody brilliant.

    add some galvanized tin cups and some grass flowers and you are very easily LSD'd to a dreamland. This is visual drugs, dude. Not that Im into it. 😛

  32. Jill says

    Nov 15 at 9:25 pm

    Brilliant! love the finished table and the fun post showing how you got there! Great compass you made – but I'm even more impressed at your drawing skills – the lines look so neat!

    Jill @ Creating my way to Success
    https://www.jembellish.blogspot.com/

  33. Annagrace says

    Jan 9 at 2:44 am

    Still trying to find the "annoying" part- but it's adorable as always! Love!!

  34. Dona says

    Mar 19 at 2:05 pm

    Thank you SO much for sending me the link to this post! Hilarious and beautiful! But hey, I’m signed up for email updates and I didn’t get one of those awesome and BOLD printables! Am I too late?

  35. Jessica Towner says

    Jul 23 at 5:08 am

    This is my first comment ever on a blog. Here’s why, BECAUSE you rock! I have read so many blogs the last year or so when I first got into remodeling, repurposing, painting, refinishing and all that fun stuff. Your blog was so fun to read, entertaining actually 🙂 Love your style in decorating. Great attitude and not so instructional!
    Love it! I also read a lot of your other blogs from the links.

    Jessica

    • Gwen says

      Aug 13 at 7:55 pm

      Oh,my gosh! Thank you so much, Jessica. I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to get back with you! Summer has me so off schedule, but school starts back on Monday, so it’s full steam ahead.

      Lots of love,

      Gwen

  36. Kari says

    Nov 1 at 10:50 am

    I love your sense of humor, loved trading about this, might try it on our hand-me-down-times-4 table we were given, that I hate because it’s got gobs of school glue stuck and then varnished into the top!!!

    • Gwen says

      Nov 2 at 7:15 am

      Kari,
      I hope it works for you!

      Thanks for sharing,
      Gwen

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The Bold Abode is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to amazon.com.

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